The Grass is Always Greener...

I prepare to go to Belgrade for the weekend as it lightning and thunders outside. It’s been a stormy week in more ways than with the weather, as I've had a nasty Spring cold and swine flu's causing a scare. Maybe it’s just been one of those weeks, but I’ve been doing a bit of thinking about home. I can get easily frustrated in Skopje because of the selfish nature of people in this city (such as in many others of course, which is why I'm more of small town boy!) and sometimes allow it to take more of my energy than it should. For example, a lawyer who has his office in our building left a pile of office docs and newspapers outside the front door of our building, when the dumpster’s just 50 feet away. I wrote a note in Macedonian and put it on top of the pile saying “please throw me away!” It was cast aside, I put it back. Cast aside, I’ve put it back. So it goes. It’s such occasions as that though combined with the insane driving, attitude, and pollution of this city that make me long for home. The Hoosier state—a clean place full of hospitable Midwesterners who drive (sometimes unbelievably) slow…Then again, the grass is always greener on the other side.

For I’ve also been reading Richard Rodriguez’s “Brown” recently. It’s a complex free train of thought text on his life as a Latino American and the browning of America through Latinos, blacks, Indians, and moreover, the juxtaposed “white” culture of mainstream America. It’s poignant, provocative, and sometimes offensive, but he makes you think. The thesis is not so much that America has different races but that we have different cultures, and we must behave differently within them. This though is a culture itself, and he writes of our culture: “…we live in a nation whose every other impulse is theatrical, but whose every other impulse is to insist upon “authenticity.”

I would agree. To break it down, Rodriquez is writing about the dual lives that most Americans live. That is, we are expected to be a certain way in school and on the job, but certainly not casual. I was reprimanded last summer when I napped on my break in the company’s lounge, as if napping was out of character, wasn’t allowed. I remember laughing about it, but it’s part of our nation’s conservativeness and Puritanical roots, no doubt, that makes how we act and enjoy life very different from Macedonia.

For the pleasures of life here are many, and people perhaps over indulge in those. Not to put it in religious terms, but it’s easy to be a glutton here—good food and an idle lifestyle is what you see everywhere. People, such as my students of all ages, always claim to be too busy with this or that to do what I ask of them. Yet with adults at least, it is pretty much assured that if you call someone and ask to go for a coffee or drink you’ll be able to make that happen. (On a sidenote and somewhat ironically, however, actually scheduling a time and place ahead of time is nearly impossible. On several occasions I’ve said “ok, meet me here in an hour” and my friend will respond “just call me when you get to the plaza and we’ll figure it out.” And when I thought I’d scheduled a coffee once, after waiting a half hour I called my friend to ask where he was and discovered that he was waiting for me to call him, “just to make sure I was coming.” If I was known for not showing up this would be one thing, but that’s not my character. I show up on time when I schedule things!)

Anyhow, back to my thoughts on life here. It’s as one diplomat I was speaking to recently said to me “it’s as if people here are stuck in the ‘60s, aren’t thinking at all about tomorrow, and are milking what they’ve got for everything it’s worth.” Maybe a bit harsh, but in contrast to the industrious, Midwestern urban America that I grew up in, life and people’s perceptions of what they can do to improve their own and others around them stands in stark contrast to the US. It’s not just that there’s a sense of helplessness and apathy here sometimes, but it’s that people don’t seem to care for anything other than themselves and their families. This is a trait of S. European cultures, to have very strong kinship networks, but the lack of concern for others and for public space and health can be really shocking. It’s just unheard of to see people organize a group for a good cause.

I try to piece together why this might be, and I must admit that there’s some blame to be given to the Turks and then Yugoslav rule. While the latter is far more revered and fondly remembered (not that hardly anyone today could remember the Ottoman empire), both were regimes that imposed rather than fostered rule of law and citizenship. Certainly the economic situation here and a provincial attitude contribute as well, but no matter how long I live here I’ll nonetheless never quite get used to it. Hopefully a weekend away will help cast such thoughts aside.

Happy May Day!